Does anyone else feel irrelevant right now, or is that just me? These are extraordinary times for all of us. We are living history right now, as so well put by my favorite man of the moment, Governor Andrew Cuomo. I don’t know about you, but that kind of perspective in these kinds of times makes me want to jump right off my couch and head to the front lines. Ah, but no.
I am used to putting myself in the line of helping or serving others. It’s what makes me feel good about the world and my own self. I like helping, I like doing. I used to have my entire identity and self-worth wrapped up in what I could do for people. This feels different. I no longer equate my worthiness for goodness in my life to how much I’ve done. We all deserve goodness (well, most of us do. looking at you, #45). This feels different than that moment of my life. I know that my worth as a human does not diminish because I am unable to perform as I usually do, yet the feeling of being irrelevant still lingers.
The world has gotten smaller in these past few weeks. We’ve come to learn in a tragic way that most all resources are finite. Masks, ventilators (a word I will never not hear in my head as being said the way Gov says it), money, attention. We’ve all taken to social media to connect, to put ourselves out there. Some performatively, as pointed out by body image activist Jessi Kneeland. Everyone shouting for us to share their cause, or watch their livestream, or support their business. Myself included! No judgement on any of that, we are all trying to survive here but I’m not sure how much more of that I can take.
So I come to write. Mostly to get my feelings outside of my brain and my body and hopefully let them go, having made peace with what they are. And maybe to let someone else out there know that they are not alone in feeling this way, if you are a someone who can relate. I don’t have the answers. I think it’s ok to feel irrelevant in this moment – there are far greater things in the world happening than us. But – that feeling will pass, as they all do, and that feeling mean you are not necessary. Because you are. Every single one of us is necessary to get the rest of us through this weird, weird time.
Now go take a walk, have a cry, sit in the sunshine, journal – whatever you gotta do to find some sense of normalcy and grounding for yourself, It won’t shake all the lingering bad juju that we’ve all absorbed but it will reminded you that you are a part of this world and we need you still.