Single. Single Girl. Single Girl Cookies. All three very different things to me, all three things I happen to be right now. Y’all know the “single” in Single Girl Cookies stands for the power of one person making a difference, and if you read my FAQs, y’all also know that it’s probably my biggest pet peeve question about this whole experience. Another thing that comes up a lot for me is that surely I must have met someone through SGC, or that I must get asked out a ton. “You bake, you’re talented, you’re so nice!” I know! I’m in as much of a quandary as you guys.
Now, you might be asking yourselves, what does this have to do with cookies? The answer is, nothing! I asked the universe for inspiration to blog tonight, and this is what’s coming, so pre-apologies if it’s not your thing. I won’t be offended one bit if you decide to close your browser or go back to your BuzzFeed quiz that’s waiting. Plus, how would I know?
As busy as I am, and as full as my life is with positives, sometimes the singleness starts to get to me. Recently, I decided to try out Tinder. Now, I know what you’re thinking – isn’t that a hook up app??? I think it is for some, but certainly not for me (I’m a lady, thank YOU!), and I did my best to filter the men that were there for only that. For those of you unfamiliar with the way Tinder works, here’s a crash course: Once you’ve downloaded the app, in order to create a profile, you have to sign in with Facebook, and it links your two accounts. Nothing is posted on FB, it’s just to verify that you’re a real person. The FB linkage also gives you stats in Tinder, like how many friends you have in common, or how many shared interests you have. You can then tweak your Tinder profile to say what you want it to say, or change the pictures is you don’t like the ones that transferred from FB. From there you set your “discover preferences” – age range, gender, and mile radius. That’s IT. There’s no filling out a profile, matching algorithms, having to come up with your favorite movie (Bill Murray has made so many, how can I choose??), or any of that other stuff that traditional dating sites have you do. It shows you all the people that fall under your specifications, then you either “like” or “nope” them. It’s all anonymous until two people “like” each other, then it allows you to chat/text back and forth. aaaaAAAAND OFF WE GO!!!
For a while it was fun, and by a while, I mean a day or two. I’m not known to have the best patience or longest attention span if I’m not thoroughly enamored by something. The app is set up like a game, and you really feel like you’re playing at something. It was a hoot for my married and coupled friends to watch me reject guy after guy, a big NOPE stamp being placed on their picture as I did so. And it was fun when you matched with somebody! You liked them, they liked you, who doesn’t like to be liked? Sure, it’s a little awkward when people you’re actually Facebook friends with already show up in your queue – do you swipe right or left? Chances are, if we’re FB friends and i was interested, I’d be pursuing that path already.
Say you match and start chatting. What do you say? How does one start a conversation? “Hey…how’s your day going?” That was a popular one from most guys. Or, actually, the use of your name. There were a lot of guys big on that. “Hi, Renee, how are you?” I’m well, Chris, I’m not going to ask you how you are because I don’t reeeaaallly care because i don’t reeeaaallly know you yet.
And therein lies my personal problem with anything considered to be online dating. It’s online and not in real life at all.
Sure, you can chat for a while, and exchange numbers, talk on the phone, get to know one another, but then what happens when you meet and there’s no chemistry, no spark? I’ve always been someone that needs that spark, and yes, I’ve heard it all about a slow burning fire vs flash in the pan, chemistry isn’t everything, having things in common is more important to building a lasting relationship. But me, I need that spark. And I can’t know if it’s there until I physically meet you in person and we exchange energies. And no, that is not a euphemism. 🙂
I did take the leap and go on a few Tinder dates, though, I’d made it that far, I had to see it through. After being solidly single for almost three years, I’d say it was good for me to go on dates; it gets me out of the house, and I need to see what dating is like at this age. Plus, I’ve never really ‘dated’, so I need to figure out how to actually do that.
I’ll tell you what I’ve learned: dating is exhausting! Granted, I did go on 5 dates in a week and a half, but having to be “on” and showing your “best self” and all that other bs that silly websites tell you in list form of how you should be on a date. That is exhausting. As good of an actress as I am, pretending to be into these dudes or into the date that I’m on is really hard work! I went in with an open mind, ‘maybe I’m meeting somebody really great, or somebody that would be interested in seeing a movie every once and a while’ but I know when I know, and I know right away if I’m not into it.
After the last date being a second date with one gentleman that dropped the phrase “that’s what I’m with you” twice(we’re not together! you’re not ‘with’ me!), I sent a polite text calling it , and deleted my profile. It just wasn’t fun anymore. And isn’t dating supposed to be just that – fun?
I’ve also learned that I’m pretty content (most of the time) being my “Single Girl” self. I never have to keep unwanted advances at bay (Tinder date #4), I’m never told to”eat that whole salad because I paid for it” (Tinder date #3), or have to spend the evening with someone who doesn’t live in NYC and is just passing through on his way back to Chicago (Tinder date #2). I come and go as I please, and the only person I “check-in” with is my roommate past a certain hour to make sure we each know that the other isn’t dead in a ditch and is coming home that night. I do have the best roommate.
While sometimes one can be the loneliest number, sometimes two can be worse than one, when it’s not right. At least at this age, I know myself, I know where I’ve been, where I want to go, and all of that helps me know what I want. All I’m looking for is a down to earth, passionate, talented, attractive man who loves my cookies, likes to do my dishes and thinks I’m the most amazing woman ever. That’s not too much to ask, right? 😉
In all seriousness, I do think I’ll find that. I’m glad I haven’t settled and dated someone just so I wouldn’t be alone. That’s not really my MO anyway; I’m the first one to do things by myself or have a solo adventure (hello, Single Girl Cookies!). But going on these dates reinforced more than just knowing what I want. Continually introducing myself to new people and telling my story got me excited about what I’m doing with Single Girl Cookies. Every time I laid out what this is and why I do it, my roots grew deeper and deeper into this cause and got me excited about my cookies drops in a way I hadn’t felt since my car accident in December. It’s almost as if you could say this dating experience strengthened and deepened my long-term relationship with Single Girl Cookies. And if that were the only take away from this whole experience, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.
Except maybe this time, Universe, feel free to send me a Prince Charming 😉